Integrus Blog

Conscious Communication

21 November 2022 | Coaching, Communication, Conversation

Conscious Communication – A Luxury Or A Must?

Our expert Communications Coach, Saskia van de Riet, was stunningly powerful as she lead a Success Circles clubhouse room discussion about the top communication strategies for entrepreneurs recently

Communication is key for entrepreneurs. In fact, it is the single most important skill to improve business relationships. Even more important is the become and be conscious about how you communicate. It is NOT a luxury, but a must.

Why? Well, conscious communication opens the door to connection: a basic human need.

All relationships – and I mean all relationships – can be enhanced and be made more engaging by conscious communication. Most certainly business relationships and working relationships.

I’d like to offer a quote from Rumi:
Listen with ears of tolerance. See through the eyes of compassion. Speak with the language of love.

Working as “The Book-writing Engineer” I am very aware of the power of language, and the power of communication. There are many ways to become more conscious about your communication, in an empowering way. Now, please remember, there is no wrong communication, if you speak and write with good intentions to serve, support and share. However, there is always room for improvement, to pave the way for smoother conversations, more fulfilling engagement, and reciprocal and trusting relationships.

Think about it: Is conscious communication a luxury or a must?

Let’s have a look at 4 Keys of Conscious Communication:

  • Poise
  • Intention
  • Conciseness.
  • Silence

Communicate with Poise

  • Raising your voice easily leads to sowing the seeds of conflict. Staying calm and poised will avoid so much conflict, be it internal or external.
  • Surprisingly enough, this also applies to writing. When you are writing, feeling the way you feel when you would be raising your voice if you were speaking the words you are writing, the effect is quite similar. This is because when your head, heart and hands (thinking, feeling/emotions and acting) are not aligned YOU have inner conflict, which does inadvertently seep into your external communication. This is a universal law of nature, just as gravity is. So, inner calm leads to conscious communication.

    Communicate with Intention

  • First, feel what you want to communicate and how.
    Feel first, communicate second.
    This means giving yourself some space.
    Creating space means you’re pacing yourself, and offer your audience time to let your words and your message sink in. Delivering fast-paced communication feels very different to you than it feels to those at the receiving end. While you may well feel more confident, speaking fast… it often sounds hurried, like you’re broadcasting, regardless of the audience, nervous even, and it also isn’t all that respectful either.

    Again, this applies to speaking as well as writing (and even to non-verbal communication).

    Speaking or writing in a way that is lacking intention, just to get the message out, also tends to come with many unnecessary words…

    Communicate with Conciseness

  • Any of us want to communicate for a specific reason, to have impact, influence or effect. In other words, we want others to receive what we say or write. The more prolific you are with your words, the cloudier the message. I should know, I used to use even more words in speaking and writing than I do nowadays. It’s true! Conciseness offers a number of benefits as it:
  • is easier to remember what to write or say
  • is easier to listen to by others
  • heightens the level of attention in the audience
  • opens the door to a conversation (and conversation is connection)
  • creates balance between speaking and listening has more impact

Communicate with Silence

I have come to realise that communication is far more about receiving than we tend to assume. We have two ears, one mouth. Use these in that same ratio. That can be hard, I know. Especially when you’re passionate, excited, frustrated or enthusiastic about something. Allow others to digest what you are saying. If you don’t give them that space and time… you will never know the gems they are willing and able to give to you. 

Think about it: Is conscious communication a luxury or a must?

So, let’s get to it!

Here are some practical tips to enhance your conscious communication:

  1. Don’t assume anything. Check regularly if your audience receives and understands what you intend to communicate. Ask questions.
  2. Don’t assume anything. Ask for clarification if you don’t understand others. It’s doesn’t make you look thick if you occasionally say something like “I’m not sure what you’re saying, could you clarify that for me, please?”
  3. Don’t make things personal. Speak for yourself when sharing a message, opinion or knowledge. Use I, my, mine, instead of you, your, yours.
  4. Don’t take things personally. Not everyone communicates consciously and in any case, what the other person thinks, says, does and feels is about them, not about you.
  5. Don’t speak to control the outcome. Be trusting in your own communication, and in your audience. Say what you want to say, then accept what happens.
  6. Communicate in alignment to who you are.
    Men and women communicate differently. That statement often gives rise to a smile or giggle… Quite likely, I mean something else than you are thinking right now. I would like to invite you to watch my TEDx Talk Does the world need female engineers? as this element is an integral part of that.

    Communication Take Away

So, to summarise, play with these for keys to communicate for connection

  • Poise
  • Intention
  • Conciseness
  • Silence

Your Communication Call to Action

Pick one of the four keys and start playing with those. Make notes of what you intended, how you did that, and what unexpected outcomes you noticed.

For more information, and to book a FREE chat, contact Saskia van de Riet here

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